"It is so hard to leave ? until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world."

― John Green, Paper Towns

 

Nå er det bare tre dager til jeg reiser. Jeg har brukt over en måned på å pakke, men allikevel er kofferten bare halvveis pakket ferdig. Det har ikke gått opp for meg helt enda at jeg faktisk reiser på onsdag. Akkurat nå virker det som en evighet til. Drømmen virker fortsatt fra tid til annen uoppnåelig, og enkelte dager er det som om jeg lever i en uvirkelig, drømmeaktig tåke. Det hender at tanker som "hva kommer jeg til å savne mest?" og "holy shit, vil jeg egentlig dra?" kommer inn i hodet mitt. Jeg finner vel ut det når jeg har reist.

Jeg trodde at det å ta farvel med vennene mine kom til å bli mye vanskeligere enn det faktisk har vært. Det eneste som gjenstår nå, er å si hadet til mamma og pappa på flyplassen.

Helt siden jeg kan huske har jeg ville kommet meg bort fra plassen jeg bor på. Høres helt sikkert helt overfladisk ut, men jeg har helt ærlig aldri likt meg noe særlig i Lensvika. Man forventer at man skal ha en slags tilhørighet med det stedet man vokser opp i, men jeg har aldri følt det sånn. For meg har det bare vært en liten plass, fin natur, to hus, mamma, pappa, en storebror. Noen venner. Og katter. Og menneskene da. Det har på mange vis vært "hjemme", men jeg har alltid gått rundt og følt at hjemme er en annen plass. Jeg har bodd her i 17 og et halv år, og jeg har aldri kommet over et menneske som faktisk bryr seg om noe som betyr noe. 

 

Vi har alle hørt det kjente ordtaket "du vet ikke hva du har før du mister det." Men man kan jo ikke miste noe man ikke har. Jeg gleder meg skikkelig til å dra nå, men gruer meg samtidig. La oss bare håpet at John Green har rett. (Han har som regel alltid rett.)


Hvem vet? Et år i Lincoln kommer nok til å forandre meg, nå gjenstår det bare å finne ut hvordan.

 

 


5 comments
Stikkord:

You just don't get it. No matter how much you think you do, you don't. No matter how understanding you think you are. Or how smart you are. How clever, quick-witted and intelligent you are, you simply do not get it. 

It is not all just fun and games. It's scary. And exhilarating, and frightening, and intriguing, and intimidating and sad and beautiful and tragic.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I just jumped head first thinking it'd be a great opportunity for me to get away for a while. Get away from everything. Start over. Get a whole new perspective.

And it is. Half of it. The other half is the exact opposite. And very few people are able to understand that. But sometimes, every once in a while, there will be this one person who - among the sea of other people who just see the exhilarating, intriguing and beautiful side of it - will say "The United States. That's scary."

And if you just happen to be that kind of person, then you are my kind of pal.

How do you know what a DREAM is if you've never lived one. How do you know what an ADVENTURE is if you never took part in one. How do you know what ANGUISH is if you've never said goodbye to your friends and family with your eyes full of tears. How do you know what being DESPERATE is if you've never arrived at a place all alone. How do you know what DIVERSITY is if you never lived under the same roof with people from all over the world. How do you know what AUTONOMY is if you never had the chance to decide something by yourself. How do you know what it means to GROW UP if you never stopped being a child. How do you know what it feels like to be HELPLESS of all you wanted was to hug someone, but had a computer screen preventing you from doing it. How do you know what DISTANCE is if you've never looked at a map saying "They're so far away." How do you know what a LANGUAGE is if you've never had to learn more than one. How do you know what PATRIOTISM is if you've never shouted "I love my country!", holding its flag. How do you know what an OPPORTUNITY is if you've never gotten one. How do you know what PRIDE is if you've never realised how much you've accomplished. How do you know what it means to SEIZE the day if you've never seen time running by so fast. How do you know what a FRIEND is if the circumstances never showed you the true ones. How do you know what a FAMILY is if you've never had one that supported you unconditionally. How do you know what BORDERS are if you've never crossed yours to see what's on the other side. How do you know what IMAGINATION is if you never though about the moment when you would travel across the world.


One comment
Stikkord:

Bear with me on this one, guys. Most of you already know that I enjoy writing in English a LOT better than in Norwegian. And lets face it, I'm going to the US for a year and I want the people I meet over there to understand what I write on this blog, so I might as well get used to writing in English. I just hope that when I come back for my 3rd year in Norway, I'll be able to deal with the Norwegian we have to learn in school. Fingers crossed!

As for the last few weeks, a couple of big things have happened. I travelled to Oslo last weekend to get my visa, and to attend the Preparation Weekend that EF held for their exchange students. I met a lot of awesome people there, and I hope that I'll meet them again for the Language and Culture Camp. We learned so many useful and interesting things, that I highly believe all of us will benefit from.


Go team pink!! (Yes, that's me with the crazy amount of curly, (golden-ish?) blonde hair!)

I've also talked a lot to my host mom on facebook, and I've even skyped with all of them (exept my host dad) once! Jada and Kenzie are the sweetest of girls, and little Axton is just adorable. My host mom, Jessica, seems like the coolest mom EVER! They also have two dogs, one of which is a small, white creature, and the other is a bit bigger. You can only imagine all the cuddling we will do. Kenzie also has a lizard, which I think is awesome for a five year old, especially when you compare it to the pets of other five year old girls, which tends to go along the lines of cat, bunny, dog, dog, cat etc.! By skyping with them, we also found out that Jada and I have quite a lot of things in common. For instance, both of us love ice cream, so I expect us to share some memorable moments together over some ice cream. At the start of our skype session, Axton was napping, but he woke up, so Jada brought him to the camera, and he sat there staring at me for a long time, he looked almost enchanted. That, or he thought I looked weird. Either way, he seems like the most charming little boy. Needless to say, I'm really looking forward to becoming a part of their family :-)

Also, I'm fully aware that I don't blog very often, but you can find me on other social networking sites, such as twitter, facebook and tumblr. I update them more frequently, so feel free to add/ follow me :-)

T-minus 48 days left!


2 comments
Stikkord:
hits